20 Gentle Ways To Take Care Of Yourself

Sometimes we expect too much of ourselves. Especially in this day and age where everything seems to be based around how successful we can be. It's important to take time for ourselves and to know our individual limits so we don't become overwhelmed, stressed out, anxious or depressed. And if you are already feeling the pressure of any of these, it is even more important to focus on your well being. Here are 20 easy and gentle ways that you can take care of yourself.

Accept yourself for who you are

The most important thing you can do for yourself is learn to know who you are, be proud of who you are, and love yourself. Don't be too hard on yourself, know you'll make mistakes and accept that you are only human. It's important to trust your instincts and know there's nothing wrong with you, you're perfect the way you are and you're doing the best you can and that is always enough.

Say no to things that aren't important to you

Having too much on your plate at once is overwhelming because you feel burdened to keep up with everything, and when you don't, it only drags you down. Give yourself permission to focus only on what's important and walk away from those unnecessary responsibilities that you've overcrowded your life with.

Write a gratitude journal

Write a few sentences a day of what you're grateful for at this time in your life. Doing this will allow you to focus on the positives each day and to really appreciate the little things. It's also a great tool to have to look back on when you're having a bad day and need a little extra inspiration or motivation.

Get enough sleep

Getting enough sleep is one of the most fundamental rules of self care. Our bodies need rest in order to recharge and replenish. Our minds need to rest in order to stay healthy and fresh. We often think that pushing ourselves to stay up later and finish one more task will help us feel less stressed and maybe it will in the short term, but in the long run, you're just pushing your body to over exertion. An adequate amount of sleep is really what will help you de-stress.

Eat healthy / Take vitamins

Eating healthy and nutritious meals may seem harder and more time consuming than ordering takeout, but it doesn't have to be. There's lots of recipes out there for quick meals and you can even spend a few hours one day making enough meals to get you through the week so you don't have that extra stress weighing on you every day. Getting enough nutrients will give you more energy, make your body feel better, and improve your mood. It's also important to take a multivitamin every day! It takes no time at all and it'll help your mind and body stay healthy (even when you opt for the processed, unhealthy meals).

Keep in touch with a few close friends

You don't need to stay in touch with everyone you know. People understand that life gets busy and socializing can sometimes take a back burner to other things. But it's important to keep in touch with the people you're closest too as they are what make you happy, they are what inspire you. Just the odd text message or phone call or coffee date every few days will help keep your spirits up.

Write positive thoughts or affirmations when you're calm to help you through the tough times

When you're in the middle of an anxiety attack or a dark moment you're not thinking straight and it's hard to remember all the positive things you have going for you in your life. So when you're feeling calm, take some time to write down what you want to remind yourself of during your difficult times. Write down why you're so amazing, a pep-talk to yourself, some ideas of what might help you feel better, any positive thoughts that will help you get through those tough moments in your life.

Walk wherever you can

It might seem more time consuming, but it's way more beneficial to walk instead of drive or take public transit! Not only does walking ensure you're getting exercise everyday, it also gets you outside, giving your body that well-needed fresh air and sunlight. All of this will release those feel-good endorphins inside you, making you feel happier, more energized and more focused.

Ask for help / Have a support group

Sometimes it's a hard lesson to learn, but the sooner you learn it, the more relieved you'll feel - there's absolutely no shame in asking for help! Don't underestimate the people in your life, chances are they want to be there for you, they want to help you. Even having someone else perform simple tasks like doing the dishes, cooking dinner, or doing the laundry can go a long way to reducing the extra stress that has being weighing you down. Your friends, family, and partner only want the best for you, they're on your team! If you need moral support, if you need help with everyday tasks, just ask! 

Don't stifle your emotions

I know it's easier said than done, but one of the worst things you can do is bottle your emotions up inside you. Yell, scream, cry, punch your pillow, whatever you need to do, just let it all out. I promise you'll feel better. 

Don't make any major decisions

Our minds work in mysterious ways. Often when we're feeling depressed or anxious we make rash decisions that seem like the best option at the time, only to end up questioning or regretting our decisions later when we've calmed down. It can take some self control, but save all your major decision making for when you've calmed down and can think clearer, especially if your decisions affect other people and not just yourself. 

Make time for rest

I mentioned the importance of sleep, but it's also important to just rest. Allow time each day for you to just be calm - don't think about work, don't think about the chores building up, don't busy your mind with watching TV shows, scanning the internet or reading a book, give yourself time to just be. 5 minutes of pure rest, actually doing nothing, will do a lot more for you than 20 minutes of scrolling through Facebook.

Be okay with a little mess

A little mess never hurt anyone. When you're feeling overwhelmed in life it's easy to let things like doing the dishes and keeping the house tidy go by the way side but that's okay, nothing's wrong with that. Don't feel bad about it, you can clean up at any time, but for now, just let it be and instead focus on the things that are important. 

Break up your chores or habits into smaller tasks and just do one each day

A long list of things to do is overwhelming and stressful and can really dampen your mood when you can't get everything done. Your life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, you shouldn't feel like you're constantly trying to keep up. Try breaking your routines up into smaller chunks - wash your hair one day, shave your legs the next day, sweep the floor one day, clean out the fridge the next day. By doing this you'll be able to stay on top of everything more easily, and you'll feel more accomplished when you cross off your chore for the day and know that now you have time for yourself.

Get sunlight

One of the best things you can do for yourself is go outside and fill your mind, body and soul with some natural light. Sunlight is proven to increase your mood and if you spend a lot of time indoors under artificial lights than it's even more important that you get that daily dose of sunlight.

Do some easy exercise like yoga

Not every likes yoga, and that's okay, but some light stretching or walking or other exercise you enjoy can go a long way to improving your mood. Exercise releases endorphins in your body so your mind automatically feels a little happier, a little clearer, and a little more focused.

Create routines to keep you on track and make things easier 

When we're going through a rough patch the simplest tasks can become extremely difficult to accomplish. Creating some routines will help you get through those tougher times. Try spending one afternoon making all your meals for the week, forgo wearing makeup or do your hair in the same simple way each day so you can focus on other things, set out all your outfits for the week so when you wake up you can just get up and go without worrying about what to wear. Little routines like this go a long way to getting rid of those little daily stressors that weigh you down.

Take a hot bath with aroma therapy scents or candles

A hot bath is one of the most relaxing things you can do. Use some calming bath salts and light your favourite candles and allow yourself to indulge in some well needed 'you' time.

Take the weekends off

It's important to make time for yourself. We've become too focused on work and money and being the best that we forget to just live, to just be us. Allow yourself that important time to just do what you want to do. No matter what you do during the week, allow yourself those two days on the weekend to have fun, recharge and just do you.

Drink tea, not coffee

I'm not just saying this because I'm addicted to tea, I promise. But caffeine dehydrates you and the effects of it only last so long, meaning eventually it'll cause you to become tired again, and too much can make you jittery and anxious. Tea is a comforting drink and as mentioned in one of my other posts, it actually has natural properties in it that help decrease your anxiety.

How Drinking Tea Can Help You Feel Less Anxious

Anybody who knows me knows that I have a healthy obsession with tea. I love all kinds of tea and I can usually be seen drinking it at any time throughout the day. Not only do I love the flavour and aroma, but I'm also always cold so having a cup of tea does wonders to warm me up from the inside out - ultimately making me feel more alert and alive.

But I also love tea because of the sense of calmness it instills in me. I've always associated coffee as a beverage that people enjoy on the go, but having a good cup of tea requires you to slow down and have a break from your busy schedule. Because of this, I've always seen drinking tea as a way for me to relax, unwind, and calm down.

As it turns out, tea actually has properties within it, an amino acid called L-Theanine, that help you with this very process. So if you're interested in a bit of scientific research on how drinking tea can help you with your stress and anxiety, read the article below. (The original article is from Onomea Tea Company. 

Self Medicating Anxiety with Tea? by John Lee 

Reducing Anxiety with Theanine 

Making the case for a cup of tea…an amino acid in tea may be just what you need to feel less anxious. 

Whether taken as a supplement or in cups of tea, l-theanine is safe and helps many people reduce stress and anxiety. Research shows that l-theanine induces alert/relaxed thinking states, reduces your fight-or flight response to stressful events and helps protect the mind from stress-linked thinking and memory deficits. 

What Is L-Theanine? 

L-theanine, or theanine, is a water soluble amino acid that’s found in tea leaves; it’s also available at higher concentrations as a dietary supplement (one dose equaling roughly 10 cups of tea). When you drink tea, l-theanine passes through the blood-brain barrier and affects the brain directly. L-theanine shares a very similar chemical structure to the neurotransmitter glutamate – which is a transmitter involved in learning and memory. Consuming theanine increases the production of GABA and dopamine. 

How Does It Induce Relaxation? 

One way it promotes relaxation is by reducing sympathetic nervous system activation in stressful situations. When stressed, your body goes into fight or flight mode – heart rate and blood pressure spike, respiration grows shallower and more rapid, pupils dilate and perspiration increases; your body gets ready to fight a threat or flee the scene! Chronic sympathetic nervous system over-activation is unpleasant (you feel stressed out!) and can lead to serious health problems, like cardiovascular disease or dementia. 

But theanine can help: Studies show that people who take theanine prior to stressful situations have a decreased sympathetic nervous system response to that stress. 

What Other Benefits Does It Have? 

Theanine has neuroprotective effects – it protects the brain from excess glutamate toxicity. 

It is an antioxidant and it inhibits lipid peroxidation. Both black and green teas have strong antioxidant properties. It works as a cancer fighter and anti-tumor agent. Theanine can increase the effectiveness of some chemotherapy agents. 

Side Effects or Long-Term Health Concerns? 

L-theanine is very well tolerated. People have been drinking green and black tea for a very long time without experiencing health problems. In rare cases, drinking too much tea can lead to digestive upset or nausea. Animal model studies show that even at very high doses, sustained ingestion of theanine causes no significant adverse effects. 

*However, a typical cup of coffee contains between 2 and 3 times as much caffeine as an equivalent amount of black tea. If you’re already a coffee drinker, swapping out a cup or two per day for a few cups of brewed tea shouldn’t cause any noticeable differences. 

How Much L-Theanine in a Cup of Tea? 

Researchers at the University of Bristol experimented to find out how much l-theanine you’d find in a cup of normally brewed commercial tea. They found that longer brewing times led to higher quantities of the amino acid, but on average: 

A typical 200 ml cup of brewed black tea contained 24.2 mg of l-theanine (+ or – 5.7 mg). 

A typical cup of brewed green tea contained 7.9 mg (+ or – 3.8 mg)

L-theanine supplements are typically sold as 200 mg doses, so if you drink 8 cups of black tea per day – or many more cups of green tea – you’ll get the same quantity of the amino acid as you’d get by taking a supplement. 

If you want to get very serious about extracting the maximum quantity of l-theanine from each pot of tea, then follow the advice of researchers from The University of Newcastle in Australia, who tested various extraction methods to see which yielded the best results. They say, to get the highest possible amount of L-theanine: 

Steep tea at 80 degrees Celsius for 30 minutes

Use a water to tea ratio of 20 ml per 1 gram

Steep tea that is between 0.5 and 1 mm in particle size. (Crush the dry tea leaves if larger to get the most theanine out of the leaves). 

Research Supporting L-Theanine for Relaxation

Theanine vs. Xanax? 

Researchers in Australia compared 200 mg of theanine to 1 mg of Xanax. Subjects were given either theanine, Xanax or a placebo during either a resting task (baseline) or a task that provoked anxiety.

Theanine worked better than Xanax to induce relaxation during the resting task, though neither theanine nor Xanax had any significant effects during the anxiety task. 

L-theanine supplements are typically sold as 200 mg doses – or 8 to 10 times as much as you’d get from a typical cup of brewed black tea. So would you experience any relaxation effect after drinking just a couple of cups of tea? 

To find out, researchers in the Netherlands took EEG measurements of healthy study subjects from 45 minutes to 105 minutes after ingesting 50 mg of l-theanine (approximately 2 cups worth). 

They found that even at this moderate dose, compared to subjects given a placebo, those given l-theanine displayed significantly more alpha brain wave activity. 

Alpha waves signify an alert but relaxed brain. 

Theanine to Protect Against Stress-Linked Memory Problems 

Chronic elevated stress can harm your memory. The theanine in tea may protect your brain from this negative consequence. Some very recent animal model research (June 2013) shows that theanine protects the brain against stress-caused memory impairments – probably by defending against the toxic impact of stress hormones. 

A group of rats were divided into two experimental conditions. One group received three weeks of pre-treatment with theanine and the other group did not. After three weeks, all rats were put under severe stress. Control rats experienced stress-caused visual memory impairments but rats pretreated with theanine did not. Rats pretreated with theanine had a much smaller corticosterone level increase than control rats, which likely explains the differing results on the memory tests. 

Theanine to Block Stress-Related Blood Pressure Spikes 

Some people experience more significant blood pressure increases during periods of high stress.Researchers in Japan ran an experiment to see what effect theanine had on stress-related blood pressure increases. 

Study subjects were given a placebo or 200 mg of theanine and then tested on mental and physical performance under different conditions: at rest, under psychological stress and under physiological stress.

Compared to placebo, theanine lowered blood pressure increases associated with stress situations.This effect was greatest for subjects who experienced the greatest change from resting blood pressure to stress-situation blood pressure during placebo trials.

Outrunning Depression: Exploring the Link between Body and Mind

My uncle came across this article written by Alex Hutchinson in The Globe and Mail the other day and suggested I read it. It explores the link between mental health and exercise. I've been trying to increase my exercise routine to help defeat depression and although it's still going a little slow, I can say that on days when I go for a walk outside, do half an hour of yoga, or go for a bike ride I feel so much better than on the days I don't do these things. Being able to actually feel the improvement encourages me to keep at it. 

Exercise is known to release endorphins (chemicals) into your brain. When these endorphins interact with the receptors in your brain they boost positive feelings which enhances your mood while also reducing your perception of pain. This is crucial for those suffering from depression because by releasing these 'feel-good' endorphins, the chemical imbalance in your brain that is causing your depression will start to alter, training you to have more positive feelings. 

I will write more blog posts on the importance of exercise in overcoming depression, but for now I'll let you read the article below:

For the teens in Dan McGann’s twice-a-week running group, exercise is therapy. That’s not a metaphor: They’ve all been referred to the group by their doctors after being diagnosed with depression or other mental illness. McGann, a therapist, has been leading the program at Trillium Health Partners Credit Valley Hospital in Mississauga since 2006. 

“Running is one of the biggest reasons I’m still standing on this earth today,” says Josh Copperthwaite, a 17-year-old who first joined the group two years ago. “When you run you can leave all the bad things in your life behind you – it’s just you and the road. For a few minutes out of the day, you feel free from the weight of depression that clings to your shoulders.” 

There’s plenty of evidence that exercise really is a powerful tool for mental health – in some cases even “as effective as antidepressants,” as headlines often claim. But it’s not at all clear how it works. Is exercise just something that makes you feel good, like completing your to-do list or doing a good deed for a stranger, or does it have some deeper effect on the roots of depression? A recent study by Swedish researchers offers the strongest evidence yet for the latter, suggesting that – in mice, at least – physically fit muscles play a direct role in protecting the brain from stress-induced damage. 

The results are just one part of a larger puzzle: “In neurobiological terms, we actually still don’t know what depression is,” Dr. Mia Lindskog, a researcher at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm, noted in a statement when the study was published last month in the journal Cell. Understanding the link between muscle and brain – healthy body and healthy mind – not only gives us new insights on the nature of depression, it also enables researchers to zero in on exactly how much and what types of exercise will best fight depression – or prevent it from starting in the first place. 

Researchers have proposed many different theories for how it works. One obvious candidate is the mood-boosting brain chemicals that are produced during and after exercise: Even if you don’t experience the elusive “runner’s high,” there’s little doubt that endorphins, endocannabinoids and perhaps other brain chemicals produce immediate feelings of well-being. 

Another possibility is the effect of exercise-triggered growth factors, such as brain-derived neurotrophic factor, which are associated with the growth of new neurons – a key point, since depression is thought to be associated with neuron loss in certain brain areas. 

“Psychosocial” factors likely also play a key role: “Exercise allows me to set goals and encourages me to live a healthier, active life,” explains Sean Burdette, a 17-year-old who took part in McGann’s run program last spring to help cope with severe depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Sticking to the routine and setting and achieving goals “has raised my confidence and allowed me to view life positively instead of thinking negatively,” he says.That’s precisely what McGann was hoping for when he started the group after discovering that running helped him through a major depressive episode of his own. Exercise enables teens to take an active role in fighting for their own health, he says, rather than seeing themselves as the passive recipient of treatment.

“Each week the teen experientially, through running, learns that they do have the power and the ability to change their state by taking action,” he says. “I have them complete a runners’ log sheet every time they come in that records their mood before the run and then after so they can see the difference.” 

The Swedish study offers yet another perspective. The researchers induced depression-like behaviour in mice by subjecting them to mild stress such as loud noises and flashing lights for five weeks. The stress caused increased production of a molecule called kynurenine in the liver, which then travelled through the bloodstream to the brain. Previous studies have found that kynurenine is associated with brain inflammation and neuron death, and patients with a variety of mental illnesses tend to have elevated levels.But when the same experiments were repeated with mice that were specially bred to be physically fit, less kynurenine made it to the brain. The reason? Exercise causes muscles to produce more of a protein called PGC-1alpha1, which in turn produces an enzyme that transforms kynurenine into a related molecule called kynurenic acid. 

The two molecules sound similar, but there’s a crucial difference: Kynurenic acid can’t cross the blood-brain barrier, so it’s unable to get into the brain and wreak havoc. As a result, the fit mice were less likely to develop depression despite exposure to the lights and noises. 

In other words, explains senior co-author Dr. Jorge Ruas, a researcher at the Karolinska Institute, it’s not that well-trained muscles produce a substance that helps the brain; instead, they produce a substance that purges the body of something that would otherwise harm the brain. 

Ruas and his co-workers are now planning follow-up studies in human volunteers who are using exercise to treat their depression. Attacking kynurenine may also offer a new target for drug development, although it’s unlikely that any pill will be able to fully replicate the effects of real-life exercise. “Physical exercise has many components which may contribute to the anti-depressant effect,” Ruas says. 

Dr. Guy Faulkner, head of the exercise psychology group at the University of Toronto and founding editor of the journal Mental Health and Physical Activity, agrees – and points to studies in which even mild walking, which is unlikely to be vigorous enough to send a surge of chemicals through the brain, helps alleviate depression. Whatever different mechanisms are at work during exercise, the precise combination that makes any given patient feel better is likely to be “highly individual-specific,” he says. 

For McGann’s teens, the details of the mechanism matter less than the results. About 400 kids (and some of their parents) have gone through the program so far, with several going on to run marathons and half-marathons. Other groups have now set up similar programs across the province, many with support from a charity called Team Unbreakable. 

“We have a slogan in the run group: ‘Hills are our friends,’” McGann says. “In other words, the challenges in our lives become easier the more we face them. Hills become easier the more that you run them.” 

5 Ways To Boost Your Serotonin Naturally

My sister came across this article from Natural Cures Not Medicine the other day and I thought it was important that I share it with you. Medicine alone will not cure depression, you have to be willing to make changes in your lifestyle in order to truly beat this illness. 

Serotonin is a monoamine neurotransmitter which is biochemically derived from tryptophan (an essential amino acid in the human diet). Serotonin is known to regulate things such as our mood, appetite, and sleep and so it is therefore a crucial player in mental health illnesses. The following lists 5 things that you can do to boost the serotonin levels in your body naturally - i.e. without taking medication. For some people, doing these things alone may make all the difference, for others, you may need to try these alongside your medication regime. Do what works best for you. 

"In the world of Western medicine, many doctors have become overly dependent on synthetic medications. This is particularly true in the case of mental illness; often, doctors will prescribe medications without even getting to know the patient and underlying causes of symptoms.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that plays a key role in a variety of mental disorders, and many medications target the serotonin in your brain. Many antidepressants, for example, are SSRIs, or selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors.

Essentially, they inhibit serotonin transport, ultimately boosting the extracellular concentrations of the neurotransmitter in your brain. If you would like to try to boost your serotonin naturally before resorting to medication, there are a few things you can try.

Read on to learn about five 100% natural ways to boost your serotonin levels.

1. Manage your carbohydrate intake.

Though carbohydrates trigger an instant release of serotonin, it can be counterproductive to consume them in excessive amounts. In addition, they do not help with the ongoing release of serotonin; they just give you a little bit of instant gratification.

When you eat an excessive amount of carbohydrates, you can actually feel sluggish, which can worsen mood disorders such as depression. However, this does not mean that you should avoid carbs completely. When your diet is composed largely of protein, with very little carbohydrates, serotonin production can actually be hindered.

Though it is unclear why this is the case, it is thought that it has something to do with the imbalance that this high protein-to-carb ratio creates in the brain.

2. Eat tryptophan-rich foods.

Tryptophan is actually directly converted to serotonin in your brain. As such, it makes sense that you should try to eat foods that are rich in this amino acid. There are many foods that contain generous amounts of tryptophan. You may already know that turkey is one of them, but it can also be found in chicken, fish, nuts, cottage cheese, beans, and eggs.

Tryptophan is most effective for this purpose when you eat it with a small amount of complex carbohydrates, such as nuts, legumes, or brown rice. These healthy carbs will assist your brain in processing the tryptophan and boosting your serotonin levels.

3. Eat the right fats.

Though a lot of people think that fat is unequivocally bad, this is not the case at all. Fat is actually necessary for the continuing functioning of your internal systems. You need essential fatty acids for your hormones and neurotransmitters (including serotonin) to be in balance. Make sure that you are consuming plenty of omega-3 fatty acids; these can be found in fish, DHA-enhanced eggs, flaxseed products, nuts, seeds, and avocados.

You may already know that these good fats are good for your cholesterol, but they are good for your serotonin levels as well. Fish oil supplements are great for anyone who doesn’t have time to prepare some of the other tryptophan-rich foods.

4. Exercise on a regular basis.

You probably already know that regular exercise comes with many benefits. These benefits extend to your mental health as well; exercise stimulates the release of not only serotonin, but dopamine and various endorphins as well.

Serotonin and dopamine actually work together to boost your mood. Even if you do not need to lose weight, it is a good idea to exercise every day or every other day, even if you only do so for 15 to 20 minutes at a time. Doing this over a long period of time will make you feel better mentally, not to mention physically.

5. Optimize your sleep.

If you have ever been depressed, you probably know that it can be tempting to lie in bed all day. However, this will not help your mood, and the sleep that you get during this extra time in bed will likely not be quality sleep. In order to boost your serotonin levels as much as possible, get up early every day.

Light exposure has been shown to be correlated with higher serotonin levels, and when you sleep during the daytime, you miss out on this booster. Make sure that you are getting the right amount of sleep as well. It’s all about balance; you shouldn’t deprive yourself of sleep, but don’t sleep too much either.

Your body needs sleep in order for all of your systems to refresh and rejuvenate, and this includes your nervous system (which, of course, manages serotonin). Conversely, too much sleep can cause you to feel sluggish even when you are awake, and the overall lack of body movement will cause low amounts of serotonin release as well.

For most people, getting enough sleep equates to getting 8 hours of sleep every night, though this can vary. If you are not able to get adequate sleep at night, you can take one short nap during the day; just make sure that it does not go longer than 30 to 45 minutes.

As you can see, there are plenty of things that you can do to boost your serotonin levels (and thus your mood) without taking medication. In the more severe cases of serotonin deficiency, you will want to talk to your doctor about what is best, but observing the above five guidelines can definitely play a role in raising your serotonin levels, as well as improving your quality of life."

World Mental Health Day

 "Real depression isn't being sad when something in your life goes wrong, real depression is being sad when everything in your life is going right." - Kevin Breel 

Today is World Mental Health Day. What does that mean exactly? Well, it's a day dedicated to talking openly and honestly about mental health issues in an effort to raise awareness and educate people around the globe which in turn will help decrease (and eventually eliminate) the stigma associated with mental illnesses so people will feel more comfortable asking for and receiving the help they desperately need and deserve. 

It is important to realize that everyone experiences mental health issues differently. Just because I deal with depression doesn't mean I can relate to everything that another depressed person is dealing with. You can't make generalizations about mental illnesses because how one person suffers is individual to them. We all have unique brain chemistry which causes us each to act and react to things in our own way. There are certainly common traits among individuals which makes it easier for those of us suffering to understand each other, but you are the only person who truly knows what it feels like to be you. Because of this, talking about mental health is very complex, there is no simple explanation and no 'one size fits all' solution. But only by engaging in a dialogue on the subject can we come to understand mental health illnesses better. The only way to learn is through people's experiences and the only way to get people to tell their stories is by making sure they feel comfortable enough to do so. 

When you're depressed, one of the hardest things to do is to admit it. That's why it's so important for us to talk openly and honestly about depression and eliminate the stigma attached to it because when someone is brave enough to come forward and talk about their suffering, when they reach out for help, there needs to be a community who is willing to stand by them and support them, not one that will silence them and look the other way. 

Like Kevin Breel said:

"...unfortunately, we live in a world where if you break your arm, everyone runs over to sign your cast, but if you tell people you're depressed, everyone runs the other way. That's the stigma. We are so, so, so accepting of any body part breaking down other than our brains. And that's ignorance. That's pure ignorance, and that ignorance has created a world that doesn't understand depression, that doesn't understand mental health."

Kevin Breel is an absolutely beautiful soul. Like many of us dealing with a mental health issue, you wouldn't know it to look at him. On the outside he appears to be a strong, confident and intelligent individual. But on the inside he is suffering. I urge you to please, please, please watch his TEDtalk! It's short, only 11 minutes, yet it is so profound, so powerful and he really hits the nail right on the head. I promise you that watching this talk will give you incredible insight, it'll change your view of depression and it may even change your life. 

Educate Yourself

I came across this quote on Tumblr  the other day and it spoke volumes to me. It's really hard to describe to people the obstacles I face on a daily basis; the constant struggle I endure with myself. I've tried to explain my feelings on this blog before, but I think this quote says it best. Please take the time to educate yourself on how depression affects those individuals suffering from it so you can better understand them.

"Depression is humiliating. It turns intelligent, kind people into zombies who can’t wash a dish or change their socks. It affects the ability to think clearly, to feel anything, to ascribe value to your children, your lifelong passions, your relative good fortune. It scoops out your normal healthy ability to cope with bad days and bad news, and replaces it with an unrecognizable sludge that finds no pleasure, no delight, no point in anything outside of bed. You alienate your friends because you can’t comport yourself socially, you risk your job because you can’t concentrate, you live in moderate squalor because you have no energy to stand up, let alone take out the garbage. You become pathetic and you know it. And you have no capacity to stop the downward plunge. You have no perspective, no emotional reserves, no faith that it will get better. So you feel guilty and ashamed of your inability to deal with life like a regular human, which exacerbates the depression and the isolation. Depression is humiliating.

If you’ve never been depressed, thank your lucky stars and back off the folks who take a pill so they can make eye contact with the grocery store cashier. No one on earth would choose the nightmare of depression over an averagely turbulent normal life.

It’s not an incapacity to cope with day to day living in the modern world. It’s an incapacity to function. At all. If you and your loved ones have been spared, every blessing to you. If depression has taken root in you or your loved ones, every blessing to you, too. Depression is humiliating.

No one chooses it. No one deserves it. It runs in families, it ruins families. You cannot imagine what it takes to feign normalcy, to show up to work, to make a dentist appointment, to pay bills, to walk your dog, to return library books on time, to keep enough toilet paper on hand, when you are exerting most of your capacity on trying not to kill yourself. Depression is real. Just because you’ve never had it doesn’t make it imaginary. Compassion is also real. And a depressed person may cling desperately to it until they are out of the woods and they may remember your compassion for the rest of their lives as a force greater than their depression. Have a heart. Judge not lest ye be judged."

Telecare Peterborough - Defeat Depression Campaign

Well hello there! It's been a while. I'd like to apologize to all my avid readers for the lack of posts over the past month or so. But I guess that's expected when the girl behind the blog suffers from depression herself. I love to share my stories with you all and help you out in whatever way I can, but sometimes life gets a little rough for me as well and the motivation to sit here and write just disappears and I need to take a break for a little while. But that being said, I'm back now and ready to continue this journey with you. 

Just a little update: While I was unplugged from this blog over the past month, life has changed for me a little bit. Since I haven't been working I could no longer finance my living situation in Toronto and so I have moved back home to my parents' house in the Kawartha Lakes. I'm not a city person, and I don't think I was cut out for the Toronto life, but I do miss my independence. But for now, this is the right choice. It's nice to live at home with my family around for support and to be rent free so I can start to build up my finances again. 

Anyways, on to the point of this blog post... 

Tomorrow, Saturday October 4, 2014, Telecare Distress Centre of Peterborough is holding a run / walk-athon to help raise awareness and erase the stigma associated with depression. 

The event takes place at Jackson Park (610 Parkhill Rd. Peterborough). The site is open at 9am with the walk scheduled to start at 10am. 

"Telecare Peterborough is a free, anonymous and strictly confidential 24-hour call line for people in need of a friendly person who will listen. Our phones are answered by volunteers who are good listeners, enjoy talking to people and are trained to handle crisis situations. It is our vision that every person who calls will have access to a caring, empathetic and non-judgmental listener. Our mission is to support and strengthen Telecare services to our clients and volunteers by developing and maintaining effective crisis intervention and support."

To register for the walk or to donate please click on the link to visit the Defeat Depression Campaign website. 

You can also learn more about Telecare Distress Centre of Peterbotough by visiting their website - www.telecarepeterborough.org

For those of you closer to the Lindsay area, there is also Telecare Lindsay - http://www.telecarelindsay.org/

RIP Robin Williams

"You look at the world and see how scary it can be sometimes and still try to deal with the fear. Comedy can deal with the fear and still not paralyze you or tell you that it's going away. You say, okay, you got certain choices here, you can laugh at them and then once you've laughed at them and you have expunged the demon, now you can deal with them. That's what I do when I do my act."

Since this is a blog on depression and mental health, I see it fit to post a tribute to a man that many of us grew up with; an amazingly talented actor and comedian, a highly energetic and good humored man, someone who we could all count on to make us laugh - Robin Williams. 

On August 11, 2014 Robin Williams passed away due to apparent suicide following his struggle with severe depression. 

Williams has been open about his mental health issues, however his battle with depression came as a shock to many - how could someone whose purpose in life was to make others laugh, feel so sad inside? This just goes to show that we should respect each other and try to bring a little bit of happiness to other people's lives each day because we're all dealing with our own demons. Everyone has struggles that no one else knows about and we should be mindful of that in our interactions with others. 

I've read some criticisms online saying that Robin Williams was "too successful" to be depressed. This angers me. Depression is an illness and it can happen to anyone. Of course some people may be faced with a greater number of risk factors for depression depending on the quality of the life they live, but depression doesn't single out these people. Depression does not care about class, wealth, race, talent, etc. Nobody is immune from depression. One article I read mentioned a very good comparison - "Smoking may be a major cause of lung cancer, but non-smokers can end up with it." Likewise, poverty, homelessness, abuse, drug dependency, etc. may be a factor in depression, but people who are not faced with these issues can end up with it as well. Take myself for instance, I'm not a wealthy, successful celebrity, but I'm also not living on the side of the road scouring the garbage cans for food. I'm just your average, every day girl, and yet I have depression. Depression just is. Some people get it, some people don't and there's no way around it. As the same article pointed out - "a person’s lifestyle doesn’t automatically reduce their suffering. Depression doesn’t work like that. And even if it did, where’s the cut-off point? Who would we consider “too successful” to be ill?"

We should all remember Robin for the joy he brought to our lives, for his ability to make us laugh, for his talent in Aladdin, Mrs. Doubtfire, Good Will Hunting, Jumanji, What Dreams May Come, Hook and many more films, but hopefully his death will also help send a message; hopefully it'll help change people's attitudes towards depression and mental health, make people more aware of the power of this illness, and ultimately, help end the stigma that surrounds the world of mental health. 

My Experience: Part II - The Suffering That Depression Has Caused Me To Endure

It’s really hard to put into words how I feel when I’m depressed. There’s no words strong enough to do my feelings justice and if you’ve never experienced depression yourself, you can only try to imagine how terrible it really feels. No one can understand the true horror of depression unless they’ve felt it first-hand. If you’ve never been clinically depressed your body just isn’t programmed to feel such strong negative emotions, to hit a low that reaches deeper than any low you have ever experienced. Lucky you.

I have panic attacks, anxiety attacks, full on mental breakdowns that all occur just out of the blue. I can literally be perfectly happy and not have a worry in the world one minute and then all of a sudden this rush washes over me and I feel scared, although I don’t know of what, my mind is blank yet racing with thoughts at the same time, I forget everything I was doing, everything I should be doing, everything I am and I just become overwhelmed with negativity – it’s like I’m under water, drowning, being tossed around by a giant wave with no way of knowing when it’ll stop, if it’ll stop, if I’ll ever get the chance to come up for air. My chest feels tight, it’s hard to breath. I start shaking and crying, gasping and hyperventilating. I need to get somewhere safe immediately – my bed, the arms of my boyfriend, my mom or my sister. It goes on for hours like this. Every time I start to feel a little calmer and the tears have managed to stop flowing then another rush comes over me. There’s no trying to stop it, to get a hold of myself, my brain can’t even fathom how to go about doing that. All I have to do is wait; endure the pain of it all until it comes to its natural end. Needless to say, I feel off for the rest of the day. I can’t shake the feeling of what happened. I feel sad, down, lonely, tired. I just want to fall asleep and hope I sleep right through until the next day.

I cry a lot. I’ve heard that crying may mean you’re not dealing with depression but simply grief because as I explained in a previous post (Depression vs. Sadness), your mood produces emotional symptoms, whereas the symptoms of depression are more physical. But I’ve always been a very emotional person, I’ve always turned to crying as a way to release the feelings built up inside me and so I think my excessive crying now is due not to the temporary mood of grief, but to grieving for the loss of myself that depression has caused. I don’t recognize myself any more, and sometimes no matter how hard I try, I can’t get back to the way I used to be and this scares me. So whenever people ask me how I’m doing, whenever I’m forced to talk about my depression, I get a lump in my throat and the tears start swelling up behind my eyes and no matter how hard I try, it eventually becomes too much and I break down crying.

Sometimes I’ll be sitting by myself and I just start crying out of nowhere. All of a sudden this feeling of frustration over takes me and I can’t escape it. I bring my knees to my chest, put my forehead on my knees, and grab at my hair with both hands, pulling on my hair because I feel so overwhelmed, so frustrated, so broken.

I get irritated a lot and lose my temper. When people do things that I used to find funny and playful, I now have no patience for them and they cause me to be annoyed. The littlest things set me off and I argue a lot more than I used to. I also can’t concentrate – my mind either feels overwhelmed and jumps from one idea to the next, making it impossible for me to make up my mind or I stare blankly ahead while my mind is off in la-la land, thinking of absolutely nothing, just wasting time away.

Most of the time I have zero motivation to do anything. There’s lots of things I’d like to do, and often I’ll sit there staring at things, willing myself to just pick them up and start doing something, but I just can’t. There’s no explanation for it. There’s just this force within me that is holding me back. It’s terrible, because I’m so bored, but no matter how strong the boredom, I can’t bring myself to do anything. Sometimes I can’t even read or watch TV or do mindless tasks. I just sit there, staring off in the distance. Sometimes I go days without showering because it just seems like such a huge chore. I love to cook but I barely eat decent meals anymore because I just don’t feel like making them. I live for nature and the outdoors but most of the time I can’t bring myself to get dressed let alone leave the house, even to just go sit in my back yard for a bit. It takes me hours to fall asleep at night, usually I’m not asleep until 4am and then I never want to wake up and get out of bed in the morning. By the time I’m up it’s almost lunch time and I’ve wasted half my day just lying in bed. I used to be extremely active (sports, gym, yoga, zumba) but now I do none of that; it’s just too much effort. I’ve become lazy, but not a kind of laziness I can control. It’s not like I don’t want to do these things and rather sit around doing nothing, definitely not! I would love to be my active self again, but I just can’t. Again, there’s that imaginary force holding me back.

Most days I get out of bed and go sit in my recliner, I drink a tea and spend the whole day reading. I only get up to go to the bathroom, snack on something that doesn’t require time to make or to refill my tea. I feel like each day just blends right into the next one, it’s all a blur. My life is passing me by. Days have turned into weeks, into months and now into years of me doing absolutely nothing with my life. It saddens me that I’m missing out on so much, that I’m missing out on being a regular 24 year old girl, that I can’t hold on to a job and don’t even have enough money to live off of let alone go out and have a good time with my friends doing all the activities I dream of one day doing again. I try to get things done each day to change my situation, even if just a little, but it’s terribly hard to notice any progress. I’m determined to turn all this around and be my happy self again but sometimes I just feel stuck. 

My Experience: Part I - My Story

I haven’t posted in over a month. I didn’t forget about my blog or give up on it but I was going through a down period and I needed to focus on me for a little while. I also knew the next couple of posts I wanted to write were to describe my personal experience of getting diagnosed and dealing with the effects of depression and it was hard to work up the courage to tell this story.

In 2010/2011 I went on an exchange to England for a year. It was the best year of my life! I experienced a new culture, I met so many amazing people and made some of my best friends, I travelled all the time. It was perfect. Then I returned home to Canada and things got hard. I was thrown back into a more strict society with higher expectations; it was like culture shock in my own country. Friendships had dwindled over the year as people’s lives continued on without me while I was gone. It was my last year of university and for the first time ever I found school work to be a chore. It wasn’t hard, I had just changed. I used to be the person who identified myself by my grades and focused only on school work, to the detriment of all other aspects of my life. But now I had experienced a different way of life, a more relaxed way of life; I felt alive. I wanted to travel and explore and meet new people and socialize; school just wasn’t as important as it used to be. But I had gotten straight A’s throughout my past 3 years of university and I knew I’d be very disappointed in myself if I didn’t get straight A’s in my final year, so as hard as it was to concentrate, I pushed myself to give it my all. In the end it paid off and on graduation day I was happy when I received a medal for graduating at the top of my class. It was worth it. But I was burnt out.

Throughout the year I also diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder. After being in England for a year I was certainly sun deprived. Then came the cold Canadian winter (which I usually love because I ski/snowboard/skate/snowshoe) but for the first time, I hated it. I started sleeping a lot, stopped trekking to the gym, went outside as few times as possible and eventually started skipping most of my classes (which I NEVER did before!) I think the lack of sunlight, the endlessly long, cold winter, and my pure exhaustion from school just did me in. My body gave up, it didn’t want to try and fight anymore.

After my year abroad I had also gone through a break up. The break up itself didn’t contribute to my depression, but there were consequences to that relationship that were now fairly evident. For 3 and a half years my life had revolved around one person and now that he was gone, I was alone. I had given up most of my hobbies and we had spent all of our time together so I now realized that I really didn’t have any friends. This certainly affected my mood – I had no support network, no one to share stories with, no social life. It was just me. I love having alone time, but when all my time was spent by myself and I had no one to do anything with it got incredibly lonely.

In May 2012, right after I finished my last year of university, I was officially diagnosed with depression. I went on a dopamine medication and immediately had a bad reaction so my doctor switched me to a serotonin medication that seemed to have more promise.  But despite having just gotten diagnosed with depression, I still decided to move back to England for law school. In hindsight, that was probably a bad idea. I loved England, I made more awesome friends, but being in another country, so far away from my family, at a time when I was really struggling made things worse. I was fine for the first semester, the change and the excitement was enough to boost my spirits. But then second semester came along and I was 100% burnt out. I couldn’t focus on school; I had no interest in it anymore. The grey, rainy weather in England put a damper on my already low mood. I had no motivation to do any of the fun activities I had planned to do, and I barely saw my friends any more. I stopped going to class, even though I was on a VISA and could get kicked out of the country for not showing up. I stopped going out with my friends. I didn’t travel anymore. I didn’t even get dressed or leave the house. It also didn’t helping that I was dating (and living with) a guy who turned out to have zero aspirations in life – his negative outlook on life really brought me down. I decided to break up with my boyfriend, take a leave of absence from law school and return to Canada. Packing up and getting myself to the airport was an enormous task for me, I’d say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. It was so hard for me to gather the motivation to actually do something and to leave the house and catch a train to the airport seemed impossible. I almost didn’t get up the morning I had to leave because I couldn’t coax myself to get out of bed and face the day. The only thing that got me moving was knowing that I was going home and that I could then get into my own bed and not have to move again for as long as I wanted.

Being home actually made a huge difference. It was nice to see my family and my dog. It was summer time and I live on the lake so I could just relax and soak up the sun. I was happy. And I thought I was cured. I had stopped taking my medication while in England, a few months before I came home. I found it really wasn’t helping me and I actually thought it was making me worse. Now that I was home, I was glad I wasn’t on any meds, I don't like the idea of putting all these unnatural chemicals into my body, I much rather find my own personal, natural ways of healing, so I was happy that all I needed to cure me was to come home and be with my family in the sun.

So I had dealt with depression (officially) for just over a year – May 2012 until June 2013. And then I was fine. I was still struggling to get back into a routine of working and moving out of my parents’ house, but I was happy. I eventually moved to Toronto in January 2014 and started working in February. I then got a second job in March and I loved how busy I was. After so long of doing nothing and being bored of doing nothing but not having the motivation to do anything else, a full schedule felt like heaven! Until the end of March, when it all came crashing down again.

March 2014 – I had been free from depression for almost 10 months and all of a sudden I felt my world spinning out of control again. Maybe I was never really completely free from it the first time. Maybe it was just a false sense of happiness from switching up my routine. I’m not sure. But I was certain that I was dealing with a relapse.

I missed work one night because I suffered an awful panic attack and couldn’t stop shaking and crying for hours. The next day I quit that job. I started struggling to wake up to get to my 9-5 job downtown and I either missed days or came in late. Eventually we worked out a revised schedule where I worked 11:30-5 instead. That helped for a while, but as time went on that also became too hard. I wasn’t falling asleep until around 4 or 5am, so waking up in the morning was actually impossible. Even when I managed to get to work, I couldn’t concentrate and it took forever to get anything done. I eventually just stopped going to work altogether. I reluctantly went back on medication (a different kind then the previous 2 I had tried). It’s working better I think. I also started seeing an acupuncturist (more on that later) and he really helped me deal with some of my issues. I’m still struggling with the relapse. But I can definitely say I’m on the rise again. And this time I’m not going to assume my recovery. I’m going to work hard and make some serious life changes so I can hopefully eliminate depression from my life altogether.

I know this post is incredibly long!! But whether anyone reads this to the end or not, I thought it was important to tell my background story of how I got to where I am today, if not for anyone else’s benefit, then at least for my own, as a record of my past and what I’ve been through. In my next post I will discuss all the feelings and emotions I have experienced when in my states of depression to give people an understanding of what I go through, and to help those of you dealing with depression see that you’re not alone in experiencing these troubling feelings.