FROZEN

When I first started seeing my acupuncturist he suggested I watch the Disney movie Frozen. I had heard of the movie, but originally just wrote it off as a silly children's movie. But my acupuncturist convinced me that the movie was a good portrayal of a young girl dealing with depression and how she overcame it, so I decided to give it a watch. 

Be strong and brave like Elsa. Be positive like Anna. And be happy and kind-hearted like Olaf. 

Here are a few tips that I took from the movie and my discussion with my acupuncturist.

// Being cold all the time can lead to depression. When your body is a regular temperature, you feel better and happier and you're more likely to do things and have an easier time doing them because your body is alert and energetic. However, when you're cold for long periods of time your body starts to shut down and and all your energy is focused on trying to keep you warm instead of helping you be productive. When we're cold, we tend to have worse posture as we shrug our shoulders and fold our bodies up to try and keep the heat in. The problem is that when we're bent over like that, we have bad circulation so our blood does not flow through our body properly, thus reinforcing the feeling of coldness. Staying warm and, as a result, having better posture will improve your circulation and help you maintain a normal body temperature. This will give you more energy and will also help you breathe better since your airways aren't constricted from being bent over which will help you feel more relaxed. 

>>> Side Note: For those of you who know me, you know that I am constantly freezing cold. It's been a problem for years. It can be the middle of the summer and you'll still see me wearing sweaters and wrapped in blankets. This could be a potential cause of my depression because my body has simply depleted all it's energy resources by trying to warm me up and the lack of energy may be a contributor to my feelings of pure exhaustion. 

// Isolating yourself is a recipe for depression. Human's are hardwired to crave companionship, friendship and love. We need these social bonds in our life to form deep connections, to give us a sense of purpose and to make us happy and experience positive emotions. People may prefer different levels of interactions with others, but we all need positive relationships in our lives to help us grow. I know for some people it's harder than for others, but letting people in and forming some strong bonds will really help to alleviate your depression by having people you can count on and who you can talk to and who will help you get off the couch or out of bed and go outside and start doing things again. 

// Opening up and being truthful both with yourself and with those around you is a big step to overcoming your depression. It's not easy by any means. But allowing yourself to accept the situation you're in and talking to others about what you're going through is really a huge weight off your chest. This was so hard for me to do, but once I started opening up to others I realized how much support I had and people understood me better so it strengthened my relationship with friends, family, employers and co-workers. The hardest thing to do is to ask for help, but I promise you it's also the best decision you can make for yourself. 

If you haven't seen this movie, I suggest you check it out. I was skeptical at first, but now I'm in love! It's an adorable story and as this post confirms, there's lost of lessons to be learned from it. 

My Experience: Part I - My Story

I haven’t posted in over a month. I didn’t forget about my blog or give up on it but I was going through a down period and I needed to focus on me for a little while. I also knew the next couple of posts I wanted to write were to describe my personal experience of getting diagnosed and dealing with the effects of depression and it was hard to work up the courage to tell this story.

In 2010/2011 I went on an exchange to England for a year. It was the best year of my life! I experienced a new culture, I met so many amazing people and made some of my best friends, I travelled all the time. It was perfect. Then I returned home to Canada and things got hard. I was thrown back into a more strict society with higher expectations; it was like culture shock in my own country. Friendships had dwindled over the year as people’s lives continued on without me while I was gone. It was my last year of university and for the first time ever I found school work to be a chore. It wasn’t hard, I had just changed. I used to be the person who identified myself by my grades and focused only on school work, to the detriment of all other aspects of my life. But now I had experienced a different way of life, a more relaxed way of life; I felt alive. I wanted to travel and explore and meet new people and socialize; school just wasn’t as important as it used to be. But I had gotten straight A’s throughout my past 3 years of university and I knew I’d be very disappointed in myself if I didn’t get straight A’s in my final year, so as hard as it was to concentrate, I pushed myself to give it my all. In the end it paid off and on graduation day I was happy when I received a medal for graduating at the top of my class. It was worth it. But I was burnt out.

Throughout the year I also diagnosed myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder. After being in England for a year I was certainly sun deprived. Then came the cold Canadian winter (which I usually love because I ski/snowboard/skate/snowshoe) but for the first time, I hated it. I started sleeping a lot, stopped trekking to the gym, went outside as few times as possible and eventually started skipping most of my classes (which I NEVER did before!) I think the lack of sunlight, the endlessly long, cold winter, and my pure exhaustion from school just did me in. My body gave up, it didn’t want to try and fight anymore.

After my year abroad I had also gone through a break up. The break up itself didn’t contribute to my depression, but there were consequences to that relationship that were now fairly evident. For 3 and a half years my life had revolved around one person and now that he was gone, I was alone. I had given up most of my hobbies and we had spent all of our time together so I now realized that I really didn’t have any friends. This certainly affected my mood – I had no support network, no one to share stories with, no social life. It was just me. I love having alone time, but when all my time was spent by myself and I had no one to do anything with it got incredibly lonely.

In May 2012, right after I finished my last year of university, I was officially diagnosed with depression. I went on a dopamine medication and immediately had a bad reaction so my doctor switched me to a serotonin medication that seemed to have more promise.  But despite having just gotten diagnosed with depression, I still decided to move back to England for law school. In hindsight, that was probably a bad idea. I loved England, I made more awesome friends, but being in another country, so far away from my family, at a time when I was really struggling made things worse. I was fine for the first semester, the change and the excitement was enough to boost my spirits. But then second semester came along and I was 100% burnt out. I couldn’t focus on school; I had no interest in it anymore. The grey, rainy weather in England put a damper on my already low mood. I had no motivation to do any of the fun activities I had planned to do, and I barely saw my friends any more. I stopped going to class, even though I was on a VISA and could get kicked out of the country for not showing up. I stopped going out with my friends. I didn’t travel anymore. I didn’t even get dressed or leave the house. It also didn’t helping that I was dating (and living with) a guy who turned out to have zero aspirations in life – his negative outlook on life really brought me down. I decided to break up with my boyfriend, take a leave of absence from law school and return to Canada. Packing up and getting myself to the airport was an enormous task for me, I’d say it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. It was so hard for me to gather the motivation to actually do something and to leave the house and catch a train to the airport seemed impossible. I almost didn’t get up the morning I had to leave because I couldn’t coax myself to get out of bed and face the day. The only thing that got me moving was knowing that I was going home and that I could then get into my own bed and not have to move again for as long as I wanted.

Being home actually made a huge difference. It was nice to see my family and my dog. It was summer time and I live on the lake so I could just relax and soak up the sun. I was happy. And I thought I was cured. I had stopped taking my medication while in England, a few months before I came home. I found it really wasn’t helping me and I actually thought it was making me worse. Now that I was home, I was glad I wasn’t on any meds, I don't like the idea of putting all these unnatural chemicals into my body, I much rather find my own personal, natural ways of healing, so I was happy that all I needed to cure me was to come home and be with my family in the sun.

So I had dealt with depression (officially) for just over a year – May 2012 until June 2013. And then I was fine. I was still struggling to get back into a routine of working and moving out of my parents’ house, but I was happy. I eventually moved to Toronto in January 2014 and started working in February. I then got a second job in March and I loved how busy I was. After so long of doing nothing and being bored of doing nothing but not having the motivation to do anything else, a full schedule felt like heaven! Until the end of March, when it all came crashing down again.

March 2014 – I had been free from depression for almost 10 months and all of a sudden I felt my world spinning out of control again. Maybe I was never really completely free from it the first time. Maybe it was just a false sense of happiness from switching up my routine. I’m not sure. But I was certain that I was dealing with a relapse.

I missed work one night because I suffered an awful panic attack and couldn’t stop shaking and crying for hours. The next day I quit that job. I started struggling to wake up to get to my 9-5 job downtown and I either missed days or came in late. Eventually we worked out a revised schedule where I worked 11:30-5 instead. That helped for a while, but as time went on that also became too hard. I wasn’t falling asleep until around 4 or 5am, so waking up in the morning was actually impossible. Even when I managed to get to work, I couldn’t concentrate and it took forever to get anything done. I eventually just stopped going to work altogether. I reluctantly went back on medication (a different kind then the previous 2 I had tried). It’s working better I think. I also started seeing an acupuncturist (more on that later) and he really helped me deal with some of my issues. I’m still struggling with the relapse. But I can definitely say I’m on the rise again. And this time I’m not going to assume my recovery. I’m going to work hard and make some serious life changes so I can hopefully eliminate depression from my life altogether.

I know this post is incredibly long!! But whether anyone reads this to the end or not, I thought it was important to tell my background story of how I got to where I am today, if not for anyone else’s benefit, then at least for my own, as a record of my past and what I’ve been through. In my next post I will discuss all the feelings and emotions I have experienced when in my states of depression to give people an understanding of what I go through, and to help those of you dealing with depression see that you’re not alone in experiencing these troubling feelings. 

Depression and Stress

One of the major causes of depression, like many other illnesses, is stress. Stress can be defined as our body’s response to a threat, whether it be real or merely perceived.  Stress can be positive such as getting married or having a baby, or it can be negative such as losing a job or the death of a loved one. Both types of stress can overwhelm us and cause health problems if not properly managed.

Being constantly exposed to stress can lead to something called the General Adaptation Syndrome. This includes three stages that people may go through when dealing with a lot of stress and if the stress is not managed properly at the beginning stages, it can lead to depression.

The first stage is the alarm stage. This is your body’s response to a threat. In this stage, your body releases an increase in the hormones cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline which leads to the fight or flight response.

The second stage is called the resistance stage. Here your body uses up a lot of cortisol in order to produce more energy so your body can resist the stressor. The problem is that if you’re in this stage for a long period of time then your body is producing an excessive amount of cortisol. This can cause you to feel anxious, tired and have difficulty sleeping since all your energy is devoted to dealing with the stressor.

The final stage is known as the exhaustion stage. This is where your body has produced so much cortisol that it can no longer produce any more, or can only produce a limited amount. Your body has essentially been over-worked and is too exhausted to continue functioning properly. As a result, you may feel fatigued, sluggish, burned out, irritable, cold, sore, more susceptible to illnesses and headaches, have a low sex drive, have a hard time coping, or suffer from depression.

People who reach the exhaustion stage are at risk of becoming depressed because they’ve been exposed to one or more stressors over such a long period of time that their body has depleted all its resources to fight and has essentially just given up, causing the person to feel burned out and depressed.

Another theory of how stress can lead to depression is known as learned helplessness. This is where a person experiences stressful events repeatedly to the point that they feel helpless to change the situation, like they lack the ability to control their own lives. When people start thinking in a negative way like this it can increase their susceptibility to developing depression.

Stress also affects people’s coping mechanisms. When you’re stressed it causes you to have a lower mood which in turn causes you to stop taking part in the activities that you enjoy which ultimately makes you feel worse and decreases your mood even more. This vicious cycle can lead you to feel depressed because the stress is taking over your life, it’s constantly on your mind and it has interrupted your usual outlet for coping.

Some examples of stressful events that may increase a person’s chances of becoming depressed are:

• being in an abusive relationship
• unemployment
• debt
• taking on extra responsibilities at home or work
• choosing a path in life that you aren’t entirely happy with but are scared to change
• going through a transition period in one’s life such as leaving your family home to move out on your own, having a baby, or retiring and having to learn to adjust your lifestyle since you have more time on your hands but a reduction in your finances

It is important to try and find ways to manage or reduce the stress in your life so you don’t start feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, out of control and/or depressed. Some tips are to:

• eat healthy (refined carbs like white bread and sugary foods release insulin which triggers the release of cortisol which causes stress)
• exercise (it helps grow new brain cells and maintain the health of existing ones)
• get at least eight hours of sleep
• do something that makes you happy or relaxes you so you can get your mind off of the stressor
• reduce your caffeine intake since it stimulates the same hormones that increase stress
• try to follow a daily routine to get yourself back on track
• practice deep breathing exercises, yoga, or other forms of meditation

Potential Causes of Depression

Depression can be caused by a variety of things. What causes depression brings up the nature vs. nurture debate, however, both seem to play a role in how people may develop depression. Life experiences, family history, and negative thoughts/attitudes/beliefs/behaviours can all lead to depression. In order to take the appropriate steps to recovery, it’s important to try and pinpoint the cause of your depression.

Here is a list of some potential causes for your consideration:

• Stress
• Genetics
• Lack of sufficient sunlight 
• Socio-economic factors (e.g. low income, prejudice)
• Negative and/or irrational thoughts
• Unhealthy diet
• Living in the past
• Life events (e.g. abusive relationships, traumatic events, divorce, starting at a new school or job)
• Lack of exercise
• Certain health conditions (e.g. stroke, AIDS, cancer)
• Hormone imbalance
• Thyroid imbalance
• The presence of toxic elements in your immune system (e.g. mercury, lead)
• Child birth
• Alcohol and/or drug use
• Side effects from certain medications

If you feel like you might be dealing with depression, you can check out my articles What is Depression?, Types of Depression and Symptoms of Depression for more info.